Nudity (pointing and laughing and saying "oooooh arrrrrr")

This fascination of mine with nudity comes from a place deep within so you won't find any crass or lewd comments in this post. Not in THIS post....

I've always loved the human body with all it's beauty and vulnerabilities. I love the warmth and safe harbour it can bring and I love the complexities it can provide. Through the years though, I've always wondered, with a rather immature and unevolved mind, why do we snicker and get embarrassed when we see nakedness. Aren't we, after-all, all built with the same body parts in more-or-less the same places?

It appears that we have been conditioned to feel shame about that which is natural. We were BORN naked and, as children, have no fear about being naked. It is the lesson that we are taught that certain areas of our body are "private" and "shameful". It's very Adam and Eve, isn't it? Our logical brains tell us that our genitals and breasts are no different to our ears or noses or fingers. They are parts of our body that provide a function for our continued survival - no different than our mouths that take in food for the same purposes.

Yet, because of religion and culture, we have been conditioned and taught over the centuries that these very body parts are out of bounds. Insofar as I resist the urge to run up to a stranger and place my finger in his or her mouth, why do we feel that if naked, people will want to take privileges with JUST THESE parts? That we will be raped or probed and that nakedness is all about sex.

It isn't. We've been conditioned to THINK that it is but, in truth, being naked is no more revelatory than freedom of speech. The level of acceptable body exposure differs from religion to religion and thus consequently, from culture through different cultures.

I could go on and I'll spare you my soapbox rant about why I still don't get it. I don't get why we have these hang-ups about something so very natural.

I was given the most beautiful privilege of photographing two very special women, who happened to be pregnant, naked. This point was brought closer to me during those moments when, up front and personally very close to such beauty, that I didn't notice their "private parts". What really struck me was that they had the same parts as me, sure - different shapes and sizes (and colour, of course) but I was no more or less womanly than they nor they from me. I felt a very intimate sisterhood being in their company. I stopped seeing their bits - I honestly did. What I saw, however, was how they carried themselves, their grace, their femaleness, their physical curves, their quiet dignity and I was moved at such a deep, deep level at how utterly beautiful they were.......and still are.

I remember thinking how primitive societies were really more evolved than we are now. Where tribal rituals bonded women to women and men to men (in non-sexual ways). How priviliged is it to see someone as they are, free from the bonds of clothing.

Clothing is the choice we make, fashion et alia, to disguise or embellish or project ourselves as we WISH to be seen. We emulate and copy or, in some cases, project our distinctive individualities by what we wear on the outside rather than be seen as purely what we are.

Clothing, sadly, is used to identify us. We pigeonhole by first sight: She's wearing a burqa therefore she is a Moslem and therefore we make a judgement. He is wearing khaki overalls therefore he is a tradesman therefore we make judgements about that. She is wearing designer clothes therefore she is wealthy because she can afford it therefore we make judgements.

I have always loved the TRUTH. Truth is like nudity. It can be harsh and confronting but it is only what it is and nothing more. Within TRUTH and NUDITY, there is no hiding so what you see is just what is there. It's like drinking pure water or breathing in the freshest air. It's simple. It's uncomplicated.

It allows you to evolve to the next level in this life, free from the chains and encumbrances of all the conditioning and propaganda we're fed.

"The Puritan often will brood

On how horrid it is to be nude;

The absence of clothing

He views with such loathing

That the naked truth strikes him as lewd."

---D.R. Benson

Living My Life Like It's The Only One I've Got

This weekend found me ticking yet another thing off my bucketlist and I can't begin to tell you what a natural drug of happiness and utter joy this feels like, being able to do this. This is just my opinion and I acknowledge that not everyone feels like I do.

This life? I may not get the chance to do it over again or anew so, aside from taking charge of all my mundane responsibilities like mortgage, groceries, bills etc, there has to be more than this to my life, yeah?

I started creating lists a while ago of all the things that I would like to experience and do and started making my way to completing them. They started off with little things and it grew to include the things that made me absolutely and utterly HAPPY to the point of bursting with so much joy that I would just explode. Studying photography was one of these things and here I am, doing it.

Another thing on my list that started off small but ended up growing was my total enjoyment of aerial sports. When I turned 30 years old, rather than have a party, I chose to go skydiving with a close friend, Jenny, and although I passed out a couple hundred feet off the ground, it changed my life! I came out of that experience feeling invinceable, strong and undefeatable and, most importantly - in love with my life.

It didn't matter what happened from that point, I knew I could grab it with both hands and either embrace it or throw it away. The other thing I was going to do was get my motorbike licence but passing out made me reassess that as I had two small children at the time...hehehe.

After skydiving, there was parasailing a few times and then microlighting and hot air ballooning and now helicopter flying......and with each experience, I felt a different joy and elation. It was freedom at its best! I have to say that my favourite experience was definitely microlighting. For an entire hour, I was an eagle......I flew like a bird, soaring up to breathtaking heights and gliding down to awe-inspiring views. My heart was at its happiest in those moments. Grant was in his own microlight and, together, we flew in and around each other while we danced above glorious and majestic snow-capped mountains in an aerial ballet that was simply heavenly!

A lot like skydiving, I was free to go in any direction that I wanted at any speed and, in those moments, I felt like crying with absolute bliss. THIS must be what flying to heaven must feel like. Like there is nothing that can hurt or bruise you (except if your 'chute didn't open but, let's face it, if that happened, I'm guessing you'd feel nothing anyway) and the whole world is yours to fly over.

At take off with all these moments, I couldn't help but hoot and whoop because it felt like I was leaving all my cares down on earth and going to a place, for a small moment, where it was just me and the skies and whatever was in my heart. Pragmatically, there was always some flight expert controlling my flightpath but I always forgot about him. All those 'him's fade away when I was up there!

So this weekend, with Grant in tow, we did the helicopter thing and I WANT MY OWN! What a fabulous contraption it is that takes you upward and then wherever you want to go. I hooted and whooped - can't help it - it is the sound of captured joy escaping my chest.

I have no idea what's next for me but I think everyone owes it to themselves to experience this sense of freedom from all the tangible things that keep you rooted to all your sensibilities. Whether it's on a motorbike or a scooter or a boat or an aeroplane, do it! Take leave of your senses so that you appreciate them when you come back down to earth!

Your houses, your cars, your material things will still be here, waiting for you when you return. But for a brief moment, give yourself the gift of flight so that you actually FEEL ALIVE!

My smile plastered my face from that initial lift-off and stayed that way for the flight and I still have it......

The Psychology of Colour

It's an intriguing thing - the psychology of colours. During last night's class, we discussed this and it's effect on the colours your choose to photograph and the emotions you want to evoke.

One theory is that we associate emotions with colours based on our experiences especially in childhood - that's one theory anyway. I guess we do have learned responses to colours....or is it innate?

Anyway, we have to pick our favourite colour and then list ten things we associate with it and then do the same with our least favourite colour. So here goes:

My favourite colour is RED. I associate it with:

1. passion
2. excitement
3. wild
4. fun
5. sensuality
6. lust and sexuality
7. bright/illustrious
8. noticeable
9. delicious and juicy
10. happiness

I had to choose between RED and ORANGE as they are equal favourites, in my eyes, but I said RED because it has been my all time favourite colour for the longest time. However most of my associations with RED are similar to my associations with ORANGE.

My least favourite colour is BLUE. I associate it with:

1. dull dull dull dull......zzzzzzzzzzz
2. depressing
3. non-descript
4. boring
5. calm, to the point of being boring
6. ordinary
7. sad
8. drowning
9. yawning
10. sleep

I dislike the colour blue intensely. I would go so far as to say I hate it. There are few blue items in my wardrobe and the ones that are there are happenstance. I don't mind electric blue because it is an exciting colour and widens my pupils when I see it for all the same reasons that RED does.

Out tutor asked us to review our previous semester's fiol and take note of how many images contained our favourite colour as opposed to our least favourite colours. Now, in defense, I cannot change the colour of our sky but I have to admit a dominance of red and orange, yes.

Speaks volumes, this last image, doesn't it?

Beauty

I'm currently exploring the idea of 'beauty' for my photography folio this Semester. I intend to create a folio of nudes and, whilst researching this topic, the question of what I, personally, find beautiful arose.

So I lay in bed, curtains drawn (coffee beside me) staring out into the backyard, listening to the birds, listening to the breeze swishing through the gum trees, looking at my unkempt backyard.....and I found myself thinking less and less of conventional definitions of beauty and leaning more towards the aethetic. The volunteers who are going to form part of my folio came into my mind - each and every one of them. A few have a traditional beauty about them but I started thinking more and more about the ones who didn't fit that category.....and I found them to have a radiant beauty about them.

Dissecting and analysing this feeling, I realised that what I found beautiful about them was more about how I felt in their company than about their physical attributes. It was more about my shared intimacies of laughter and tears with them. It was about their individual idiosyncrasies - their giddy-goatedness - their sense of mischief and fun - their insecurities, that made them so beautiful to me. Those things are not tangible.

I have a distant friend who has not volunteered for my folio (I wish she would) and yet, my thoughts keep drifting towards her on a daily basis. She is not 'traditionally' beautiful - certainly no size 6 or 8 girl - but there is a beaming radiance about her, her undeniable love and admiration for her husband, her friends, her family and, in particular, for her mother and her daughter - that I am like a moth to flame. I am drawn to her attitude mainly. She is larger than life but in such a gentle, non-evasive way that you can't help BUT feel good about yourself in her company. She makes you want to dance naked in the forest with a pair of butterfly wings clipped to your shoulders. Let's not get bogged down with the pragmatic details about this, okay?

Back to my folio, I reverted those thoughts to me. I am no oil painting - far from it. I am no size 6, 8, 10 or 12, for that matter. I am short and Rubinesque - I carry the war wounds of life on my skin - and yet, my husband thinks I'm beautiful (or whatever his definition of beauty is). Yet......internally, I see myself as I was when I was 18, 21, 28.....and it's this shell of a body which carries me through my life that doesn't adequately reflect the sensual, desirous, wholesome woman that exists beneath it.

I wondered if my nude models feel this way as well. Some of them have been "blessed" with bodies that DO mirror their internal attitudes. But some of them don't......and I am taking it upon myself to try and capture THAT essence, THAT beauty in a way that when they look at my images, they see what exists beneath.

Vegas? or Busk.....

As of last Monday, I sadly find myself "between jobs". This is the first time this has ever happened to me and I'm dealing with the gamut of reactions and emotions that I'm going through.

Firstly, let me say, at this early stage, I don't think it's life threatening. It was a job. However, it was a job that funded (amongst other perfunctory things like my mortgage) my freedom and my independence.

I gave up a "safe" job for a risk so I really can't blame anyone else other than myself and my choices for this. I did it with the best and purest of intentions and, sadly, that wasn't reciprocated. To protect my previous employer, I won't go into the details of the demise of my recruitment sojourn. Suffice to say that it was a business decision on her behalf for her own personal reasons and I was one of a couple of casualties. What do you do? It was out of my control and not as a result of anything that I did.

So.... here I am, finding it difficult not working from an emotional perspective but secretly knowing (hoping) that my job is out there and I just have to find it. Part of me wants to get a job in the industry that I know best and part of me wants the freedom to explore my photographic possibilities. Within that tug-o-war, I battle the pragmatic side that likes to eat regularly and hates being impoverished with the creative side and the voice inside me that says "If not now, then when?"

I'm nowhere near the stage where I can amputate the corporate world in favour of a hedonistic lifestyle filled with creative endeavours and photographic productions (although Other Shaz - please refer to another blog about her http://my365daysofgratitudeandhappiness.blogspot.com.au/2011/02/day-26-other-shaz.html - says WHY THE HELL NOT?).

On some days, I find myself getting angry with my previous employer for putting me in this situation. I blame her for being selfish and inconsiderate and, whilst these are not unreasonable reactions to have in my position, I also know that these emotions aren't helping me move on. Truth is that no-one PUT me in this situation......THIS is life. THIS is where the learning occurs............learning about self, about others, about relinquishing control and then taking the steering wheel back again. There's a whole HEAP of learning taking place but none that puts money in my bank account at this stage.

On the positive side, I have more time to concentrate on my photography assignments as I am still studying that. The down side is that I need a job to pay for the college fees for next Semester and the next and the next. See how complex and Catch 22 it's becoming?

I'm not panicking right now as I know I can get a job, that's not a problem.....it's getting the RIGHT job that will allow me the right balance between work and life. My previous job had an unhealthy balance which saw me coming home at rather ridiculous hours, not having regular lunch breaks, not being able to go to the gym consequently and I don't want to repeat that. Part of me was glad that when the crunch came, the decision was out of my hands anyway.

Today marks one entire week that I've been without work. I have been exceptionally busy so I haven't felt the pinch yet. I don't think I'm the kind of person to sit at home and watch TV anyway. I have lots going on and lots of things to do.

It's all uphill from here..............so one year from now, I'd like to read this back and feel so good about my progress and my evolution from this point. It's all good.

Now, to start my ukelele lessons............may need it in the future, hehehehe. Hmm.

What is Honest Exposures about?

So I've done a couple of blogs in the past and they've been a really interesting experience. I've found them, primarily, to be a great diary/journal of thoughts and processes that I experience. One of the blogs that I did last year was http://my365daysofgratitudeandhappiness.blogspot.com.au/.
Although not religiously contributing to it, I regularly updated it, which looking back satisfied my own personal criteria.


So............why Honest Exposures? I like emptying out my head of all the thoughts that swirl around like dervishes. It's like cleaning a graffitti wall so that new stuff can be created. At some points, I like to know that my thoughts have been shared and, at other times, it's not important for me to know that at all and regardless my internal graffitti wall needs cleaning. My blog is the same as my visual diary for my photography - it serves the same purpose to me, anyway.


Honest Exposures is about my experiences this year with my studies, my work (or lack of as it stands right now), my thoughts, my space. It's a blatant reference to my photography which, aside from my family, is the most important thing to me. It's a rather public display of what's going on inside and outside my world.


DISCLAIMER: From time to time, my entries will, no doubt, expose (there's THAT word) my doubts, my frustrations, my worries and that's part and parcel of the Sharon Johnston experience, I guess.

 
I am more than happy for you to tag along with me, laugh at me, laugh with me, furrow your brows at me, be confused with me, at me.


I would LOVE your comments in any shape or form so long as it is not offensive. Please don't be rude or disrespectful. I'm not providing anyone with target practice for vitriole or diatribe.


So..............let's begin.