Vegas? or Busk.....

As of last Monday, I sadly find myself "between jobs". This is the first time this has ever happened to me and I'm dealing with the gamut of reactions and emotions that I'm going through.

Firstly, let me say, at this early stage, I don't think it's life threatening. It was a job. However, it was a job that funded (amongst other perfunctory things like my mortgage) my freedom and my independence.

I gave up a "safe" job for a risk so I really can't blame anyone else other than myself and my choices for this. I did it with the best and purest of intentions and, sadly, that wasn't reciprocated. To protect my previous employer, I won't go into the details of the demise of my recruitment sojourn. Suffice to say that it was a business decision on her behalf for her own personal reasons and I was one of a couple of casualties. What do you do? It was out of my control and not as a result of anything that I did.

So.... here I am, finding it difficult not working from an emotional perspective but secretly knowing (hoping) that my job is out there and I just have to find it. Part of me wants to get a job in the industry that I know best and part of me wants the freedom to explore my photographic possibilities. Within that tug-o-war, I battle the pragmatic side that likes to eat regularly and hates being impoverished with the creative side and the voice inside me that says "If not now, then when?"

I'm nowhere near the stage where I can amputate the corporate world in favour of a hedonistic lifestyle filled with creative endeavours and photographic productions (although Other Shaz - please refer to another blog about her http://my365daysofgratitudeandhappiness.blogspot.com.au/2011/02/day-26-other-shaz.html - says WHY THE HELL NOT?).

On some days, I find myself getting angry with my previous employer for putting me in this situation. I blame her for being selfish and inconsiderate and, whilst these are not unreasonable reactions to have in my position, I also know that these emotions aren't helping me move on. Truth is that no-one PUT me in this situation......THIS is life. THIS is where the learning occurs............learning about self, about others, about relinquishing control and then taking the steering wheel back again. There's a whole HEAP of learning taking place but none that puts money in my bank account at this stage.

On the positive side, I have more time to concentrate on my photography assignments as I am still studying that. The down side is that I need a job to pay for the college fees for next Semester and the next and the next. See how complex and Catch 22 it's becoming?

I'm not panicking right now as I know I can get a job, that's not a problem.....it's getting the RIGHT job that will allow me the right balance between work and life. My previous job had an unhealthy balance which saw me coming home at rather ridiculous hours, not having regular lunch breaks, not being able to go to the gym consequently and I don't want to repeat that. Part of me was glad that when the crunch came, the decision was out of my hands anyway.

Today marks one entire week that I've been without work. I have been exceptionally busy so I haven't felt the pinch yet. I don't think I'm the kind of person to sit at home and watch TV anyway. I have lots going on and lots of things to do.

It's all uphill from here..............so one year from now, I'd like to read this back and feel so good about my progress and my evolution from this point. It's all good.

Now, to start my ukelele lessons............may need it in the future, hehehehe. Hmm.