My Favourite Child

I think it's quite funny in that really annoying way when people talk about having a favourite child almost like it's an accepted thing and maybe, for you....or you....or even you, having a favourite child exists but it DOES NOT exist for me and I'll tell you why....

I have two very different children, born and bred and brought up in the same house with the same influences but so very different from each other. Of course, there are familiar traits but they are chalk and cheese personality wise......and I connect with those very differences which changes the dynamics of the individual relationships that I have with each of them.

With my eldest, I have placed responsibilities that I probably didn't place on my youngest so I have an expectation from her that I don't have with my son - maybe I should or shouldn't, who knows but that's what is.

Alex and I connect sideways, not head on. Let me explain. She is a fiery individual with very strong ideas (right or wrong) so very rarely does she ask for my advice because, invariably, my advice isn't something that she would take anyway. However, she talks to me about what's going on in her life almost documentary style - as if she's letting me know what's going on rather than asking me which road to take. She will ask my opinion, rarely my advice. Alex can handle herself in life and even if she can't, she's good at faking it. She is black and white. Impulsive. Reactive. Hehe.

Adam, on the other hand, is a sensitive soul - a poet soul who sees all the shades and tones of grey - he has no qualms about showing his feelings openly. He is a deep-thinking individual who watches and takes everything in. He doesn't need the spotlight all the time but he'll watch who's in it and studies their behaviour. He is charismatic with humour and charm and people are drawn to him automatically.

I connect with Adam on a more spiritual level because he and I are about feelings. We connect with music - he teaches me and I teach him about new music. I can read his face and know exactly what he's feeling so he can't hide from me. Alex, on the other hand, is very good at smoke and mirrors so I have to wait until she stands in front of me and tells me where she's at.

On that basis, people think I have a favourite child and I cannot tell you in more explicit words that I DO NOT. I just have different relationships with each one. I love them differently but equally. I love one person's strength of character.....I love the other one's sensitivity. I love both their unique senses of humour - I laugh AT one child, I laugh WITH the other. I worry about each one differently....

I express my love for each of my wonderful children differently because they ARE different. So when you see me hugging one child frequently and not the other one? Please......THAT child likes and welcomes the affection whereas the other one isn't touchy/feely and doesn't like public displays of affection.

I get offended when people talk about favourite children because my heart is a kaleidoscope of love that moves and changes for each of my children. My life's painting would be incomplete and empty without either of them in it and they both have their individual place on that canvas.

When Alex was born, half of my heart jumped out and started beating in hers and that will never change. When Adam was born, the other half of my heart jumped into his and between the two of them, they made me a complete soul.

Sometimes one half of that heart beats louder for one child than the other - out of worry, concern, happiness, sadness because their lives operate at different wavelengths and that's how I react to them - every mother is like this, I suspect.

That's how it is for me......so when someone accuses me of having a favourite child, in essence, you are telling me that only half of me is functioning...... and that offends me.

So to BOTH my beautiful, precious, cherished children..... I LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU BOTH not the same but equally. I hug Adam because he likes being hugged, Alex doesn't....I shop with Alex because she likes shopping.....I listen to music with Adam because we like exploring and finding new music.....I watch tear-jerking movies with Alex because that's what we do...we watch Grey's Anatomy and The Piano together - always have. Alex and I read similar books.....Adam and I love spinach pasta.......and on and on it goes......

I laugh with Alex because we find the same things funny, I laugh at Adam because he makes me laugh.

Your Dad and I are very different people who have our own individual strengths and weaknesses and you love us differently - not more, not less - just differently. And that's okay to do that.

(I know that you laugh at my jokes more because I am funnier than your Dad....and that's okay to admit that publically!)